Someone sent this to me today (Thank You Barbara) and it got me thinking.....
As we reflect on 2009, We will open a new book. It’s pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and it’s first chapter is New Years Day.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
"I do not have good news for you"
That’s what she said when I answered the phone. Since I’m at work and don’t want to get emotional for a second time today I will make this short. I guess it’s just not our time this go round. I don’t want to give up and we will try again.
Today is results day!!!!
I think I already know the results but I went in this morning for the pregnancy test. I’m pretty positive it’s negative but I’m still hopeful. For the last two days I have had the worst cramps, my lower back is killing me and my face is broken out – just like I was about to start. Add to that my progesterone level was low last week.
I’m not trying to be negative but this is a big deal to me and I’m trying to be realistic so today when I get the phone call it won’t be so devastating.
Still crossing my fingers and hoping.
I’m not trying to be negative but this is a big deal to me and I’m trying to be realistic so today when I get the phone call it won’t be so devastating.
Still crossing my fingers and hoping.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Two more days.......
Two more days until we get the results of the pregnancy test. I can’t wait although I think I already know the results. If I was a betting woman I would bet that the results will be negative. The only reason I say that is because last Wednesday I had to go and get my progesterone level checked. They called me that afternoon and told me to up my dose of progesterone from once a day to twice a day. Of course I had to run to google as fast as I could to find out what a low progesterone level cold mean. From what I have read from the message boards - when you have a low progesterone level that means that you are not pregnant.
I am trying to prepare myself for a negative result so that when Wednesday afternoon gets here I won’t be so upset. Of course I know I will be upset but I am trying to soften the blow.
We still haven’t told my Mom. Wilson said we should wait until Wednesday and we get the results. If they are positive we get to tell her she is going to be a Grandma. If it’s negative we will have to deal with that. I’m still not sure how to bring that subject up but I guess it will just come out and we will go from there.
I am trying to prepare myself for a negative result so that when Wednesday afternoon gets here I won’t be so upset. Of course I know I will be upset but I am trying to soften the blow.
We still haven’t told my Mom. Wilson said we should wait until Wednesday and we get the results. If they are positive we get to tell her she is going to be a Grandma. If it’s negative we will have to deal with that. I’m still not sure how to bring that subject up but I guess it will just come out and we will go from there.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Nothing left to do now but PRAY!
Well, it’s done.
Nothing left to do now but PRAY!
Find out the results on Wed. Dec. 30th
The procedure went fine. Didn't hurt at all. I just read my baby poem and we all talked about Ivy (strange I know). Came back to work like nothing ever happened.
I'm not nervous. I'm not scared. I'm just here and maybe that's good. Maybe the fact that i'm not all hyped up will do me some good.
Start the progesterone tomorrow - I think that is the medication that helps you keep the pregnancy if you get to that point.
They said Wilson's "sample" looked really good and had a very high motility rate (don't ask me what that means - I guess he's got a lot of swimmers). They said I had a lot of large folicies, now we just have to hope one of those big folicies had a good egg in it and he has Michael Phelps type swimmers!
Nothing left to do now but PRAY!
Find out the results on Wed. Dec. 30th
The procedure went fine. Didn't hurt at all. I just read my baby poem and we all talked about Ivy (strange I know). Came back to work like nothing ever happened.
I'm not nervous. I'm not scared. I'm just here and maybe that's good. Maybe the fact that i'm not all hyped up will do me some good.
Start the progesterone tomorrow - I think that is the medication that helps you keep the pregnancy if you get to that point.
They said Wilson's "sample" looked really good and had a very high motility rate (don't ask me what that means - I guess he's got a lot of swimmers). They said I had a lot of large folicies, now we just have to hope one of those big folicies had a good egg in it and he has Michael Phelps type swimmers!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Waiting on the trigger
This morning I went to Dr. Rodriguez and had another sonogram. Everything is looking good. I had some really good foliciles and I am really starting to feel the meds take effect this afternoon, just crampy. They are going to call me this afternoon and let me know when I have to go and get my “booster” shot. I didn’t realize this until this morning but I have to give the shot to myself. Auh, What? This part I was not aware of. I thought when I went for the sonogram and bloodwork this morning they would give it to me in the office. Guess not. Not really looking forward to this part – well I haven’t really looked forward to any of this yet so I guess we can just add this to the list. So hopefully today I can go and get the shot and take it tonight.
Along with my sonogram this morning they also took my blood again. I think to get my estrogen level so they knew exactly when I should take the shot. Well I hate having my blood drawn so I always find something to read so I can take my mind off of what is happening. Today I found a pamphlet regarding couples going through infertility and how they coped with the different situations. They are following three different couples and telling their stories on how they felt when going through all the testing. I have to say, so far I don’t relate to any of these people. They all want to blame their spouse for the infertility until they find out it’s really them. They resent the other person for making them go through all of these tests and procedures. I have never felt that way. I never, not once, thought any of this was Wilson’s fault – or anyone’s fault for that matter. It’s just something that happened. Yes I have wondered why us but I think it’s just going to make us stronger people and hopefully better parents because we won’t take for granted all of the mundane things parents do on a daily basis. I certainly hope that Wilson doesn’t resent me for him having to take all of the tests and dealing with me and my hormones. He doesn’t seem to mind and he hasn’t said anything. I guess this booklet has already helped us because now I plan on talking to my husband to make sure he doesn’t feel this way.
The one thing I have found that we have in common with these couples is that no one tells anyone. Why is that I wonder? Why do a high percentage of couples not tell anyone that they are going through infertility? No one seems to tell anyone until it’s all over. If your friends are truly your friends they will understand and want to support you. I need to turn that question on myself. Why don’t we tell anyone? The number of people in the world that know we are going through this is less than 10 and that includes doctors and nurses. I feel that I have drawn back into myself, especially here lately, because this process consumes your life and you don’t think of much else. People will ask you “is anything wrong” and you simply smile and say “no, nothing, just not feeling well today” when the truth is you feel fine you are just going crazy inside because of the 9 million thoughts in your head and none of them make sense. Why is it so easy for your friends and not you? Why is it so easy for crackheads that just want a paycheck from the government and not you? Why is it so easy for everyone else in the world – but you?
I think the main reason you don’t tell anyone is because you don’t want to hear the questions. You have enough questions in your head and I guess I’m afraid that the one second of my day that I get to forget, someone will ask “so, how’s IT going?” I don’t have the answers and I’m afraid of the questions.
Along with my sonogram this morning they also took my blood again. I think to get my estrogen level so they knew exactly when I should take the shot. Well I hate having my blood drawn so I always find something to read so I can take my mind off of what is happening. Today I found a pamphlet regarding couples going through infertility and how they coped with the different situations. They are following three different couples and telling their stories on how they felt when going through all the testing. I have to say, so far I don’t relate to any of these people. They all want to blame their spouse for the infertility until they find out it’s really them. They resent the other person for making them go through all of these tests and procedures. I have never felt that way. I never, not once, thought any of this was Wilson’s fault – or anyone’s fault for that matter. It’s just something that happened. Yes I have wondered why us but I think it’s just going to make us stronger people and hopefully better parents because we won’t take for granted all of the mundane things parents do on a daily basis. I certainly hope that Wilson doesn’t resent me for him having to take all of the tests and dealing with me and my hormones. He doesn’t seem to mind and he hasn’t said anything. I guess this booklet has already helped us because now I plan on talking to my husband to make sure he doesn’t feel this way.
The one thing I have found that we have in common with these couples is that no one tells anyone. Why is that I wonder? Why do a high percentage of couples not tell anyone that they are going through infertility? No one seems to tell anyone until it’s all over. If your friends are truly your friends they will understand and want to support you. I need to turn that question on myself. Why don’t we tell anyone? The number of people in the world that know we are going through this is less than 10 and that includes doctors and nurses. I feel that I have drawn back into myself, especially here lately, because this process consumes your life and you don’t think of much else. People will ask you “is anything wrong” and you simply smile and say “no, nothing, just not feeling well today” when the truth is you feel fine you are just going crazy inside because of the 9 million thoughts in your head and none of them make sense. Why is it so easy for your friends and not you? Why is it so easy for crackheads that just want a paycheck from the government and not you? Why is it so easy for everyone else in the world – but you?
I think the main reason you don’t tell anyone is because you don’t want to hear the questions. You have enough questions in your head and I guess I’m afraid that the one second of my day that I get to forget, someone will ask “so, how’s IT going?” I don’t have the answers and I’m afraid of the questions.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Pills are down and hormones are racing!!!
Pills are down and hormones are racing!!! I am ready for next week NOW. Monday they are going to do a follow up sonogram and tell us if the foliciles are developing and hopefully give me the booster shot then. If that of that happens we should be ready for the big show on Tuesday or Wednesday. I know it all has to happen within like 36 hours of the shot but not sure exactly sure of the timing of everything all together.
I have been going to message boards for infertility this week and I am not sure that I will be going back until after this part is over. Most of those women in there have had this procedure done several times, some up to 6 with still no luck. Most that it worked for had miscarriages pretty soon into their pregnancy. One even had a “chemical pregnancy” I’m not even sure what that is. It’s very frustrating and anxiety filled time.
Today I have to go to the doctor (primary care doc) for a bladder infection. Not sure if all of these meds I am taking has caused this or what. I know it’s uncomfortable and I have never had one before and I know I never want one again.
I have been going to message boards for infertility this week and I am not sure that I will be going back until after this part is over. Most of those women in there have had this procedure done several times, some up to 6 with still no luck. Most that it worked for had miscarriages pretty soon into their pregnancy. One even had a “chemical pregnancy” I’m not even sure what that is. It’s very frustrating and anxiety filled time.
Today I have to go to the doctor (primary care doc) for a bladder infection. Not sure if all of these meds I am taking has caused this or what. I know it’s uncomfortable and I have never had one before and I know I never want one again.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Today, we begin....
Today is the day it all starts. I am so excited and scared all at the same time. This morning I took my first Letrozol. I am going to take them twice a day for 5 days and then go back to Dr. Rodriguez on Monday the 14th at 8:30 for another sonogram. If everything looks good and the folicals are ready then we are ready to go. They will give me a shot of something “I call it the booster shot” and then within 36 hours they will get the show on the road. I am so excited. I am keeping the grandparents poem (see earlier posts) in my pocket for each procedure as my good luck charm. I did ask the nurse Wednesday what is the chances, realistically, that this will work and she said most people it takes 3 tries. This is very expensive for 3 tries but we have to start somewhere, we are not getting any younger!
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