I was just sitting here trying to figure out how to say this.....the procedure worked and I am pregnant. While I am pregnant right now I won't be for long. My levels are not going up which means there is a 90% chance of miscarriage. I knew there was a high likelihood of this happening but I guess like this whole process I kept thinking "that won't happen to me". I go back to the dr tomorrow morning to find out for sure but as of right now it's not looking good. Your HCG levels are suppose to double every 48-72 hours, mine did at first. Now I have only gone from a 72 to an 84 over the entire weekend.
Of course Wilson knows but I haven't told my Mom yet. She is so excited. Last Friday she bought a pink bouncer. She called me yesterday and asked me how I was feeling but I just didn't have the heart to tell her so I lied. She will be back on Thursday so I will have to tell her then. I just can't figure out how to break her heart.
You just wouldn't think that something you have only known about for three weeks would hurt this bad.
I'm sorry to bring down the room but I wanted to let you know since you all are in this with me now :-)
As you can imagine I am not really in the mood to talk about it yet, just trying to absorb the situation myself. I keep telling myself “at least we got this far” and “next time” but…
I will let you know how things go on Wednesday.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I Love You, Plus One
Every morning when one of us leaves for work and every night before we go to sleep one of us will say “I love you” and the reply is always “I love you more”. It’s just kind of a thing we do. I’m not sure how or when that got started but I don’t remember not ever saying it that way. This morning was different. Wilson is working the late shift so he was still home when I left for work. When I kissed him and said “I love you” his reply was “I love you, plus one”. It brought tears to my eyes.
He is so excited he can hardly contain himself. I was so disappointed yesterday when I had to tell him I was pregnant over the phone. I wish I could have done it in a different way but it is what it is. We have done everything up to this point in a non traditional manner so why start now.
My Mom is a different story. Wilson and my Mom were together yesterday when I told him but I told him “don’t tell her”. I just told him to tell her that the doctors office hadn’t called yet and it might take until tomorrow to get the results. So yesterday I printed up my pregnancy poem (earlier post) and put it on blue paper with a pink background and then I put a little scrapbook type circle on there that said “Rock a bye baby”. I wrapped it up in white tissue paper and headed home. All of this I did the last minute in the Big Lots parking lot. So I get home and every day I stop at the mailbox and bring in the mail and hand it out to whomever it belongs too. I handed Wilson his mail and then handed the tissue paper wrapped picture frame to my Mom and said “this was in the mailbox with your name on it?” She said “what?” and I just walked over towards Wilson and sat on the couch. She was laying down and kind of opened it slowly while looking perplexed and then started reading. I swear she must have made it through half of the poem before she got it. Then she got it! She bolted up from the couch and started screaming. I thought she was going to hyperventilate. She looked over at me and said “we’re pregnant?” and I smiled through my tears and said “yes” and she started screaming again. It was so funny. I was crying, she was crying, Wilson was crying.
For the rest of the night the waterworks were on. She would just be sitting there and start crying. Then I would look over and her feet were just going like crazy and she was giggling like a school girl.
Wilson would just be sitting there last night watching TV and then reach over and grab my hand or kiss me on the forehead. I don’t know why I didn’t expect him to be this excited but he is so happy.
I almost feel bad because I am so reserved. Not that I am not excited because I am but I just don’t want to let myself buy into the fact that this might really happen until I know for sure THIS MIGHT REALLY HAPPEN. A friend of mine, that has been through this, told me “you never stop worrying until you have the baby. When you first find out your pregnant you worry that it’s not a viable pregnancy, once you get past 12 weeks you worry the baby has Downs Syndrome or something like that, it’s just always something – until you actually have that baby and hold it in your arms and see that it’s real.” I am thinking she is right. I have to go back to the doctors office on Friday and have my blood drawn again because my levels should double every 2 days so by Friday I should be at a 70 and then I have to go back again on Monday. I think after Monday if everything is still going along good I will feel much better.
Bottom line is, right now I am pregnant and I will just keep doing what has been working so far, praying.
He is so excited he can hardly contain himself. I was so disappointed yesterday when I had to tell him I was pregnant over the phone. I wish I could have done it in a different way but it is what it is. We have done everything up to this point in a non traditional manner so why start now.
My Mom is a different story. Wilson and my Mom were together yesterday when I told him but I told him “don’t tell her”. I just told him to tell her that the doctors office hadn’t called yet and it might take until tomorrow to get the results. So yesterday I printed up my pregnancy poem (earlier post) and put it on blue paper with a pink background and then I put a little scrapbook type circle on there that said “Rock a bye baby”. I wrapped it up in white tissue paper and headed home. All of this I did the last minute in the Big Lots parking lot. So I get home and every day I stop at the mailbox and bring in the mail and hand it out to whomever it belongs too. I handed Wilson his mail and then handed the tissue paper wrapped picture frame to my Mom and said “this was in the mailbox with your name on it?” She said “what?” and I just walked over towards Wilson and sat on the couch. She was laying down and kind of opened it slowly while looking perplexed and then started reading. I swear she must have made it through half of the poem before she got it. Then she got it! She bolted up from the couch and started screaming. I thought she was going to hyperventilate. She looked over at me and said “we’re pregnant?” and I smiled through my tears and said “yes” and she started screaming again. It was so funny. I was crying, she was crying, Wilson was crying.
For the rest of the night the waterworks were on. She would just be sitting there and start crying. Then I would look over and her feet were just going like crazy and she was giggling like a school girl.
Wilson would just be sitting there last night watching TV and then reach over and grab my hand or kiss me on the forehead. I don’t know why I didn’t expect him to be this excited but he is so happy.
I almost feel bad because I am so reserved. Not that I am not excited because I am but I just don’t want to let myself buy into the fact that this might really happen until I know for sure THIS MIGHT REALLY HAPPEN. A friend of mine, that has been through this, told me “you never stop worrying until you have the baby. When you first find out your pregnant you worry that it’s not a viable pregnancy, once you get past 12 weeks you worry the baby has Downs Syndrome or something like that, it’s just always something – until you actually have that baby and hold it in your arms and see that it’s real.” I am thinking she is right. I have to go back to the doctors office on Friday and have my blood drawn again because my levels should double every 2 days so by Friday I should be at a 70 and then I have to go back again on Monday. I think after Monday if everything is still going along good I will feel much better.
Bottom line is, right now I am pregnant and I will just keep doing what has been working so far, praying.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Well tomorrow is D day, or B day……again.
Well tomorrow is D day, or B day……again. Wilson will go in at 9:00 and I will go in at 10:45 so say a big prayer around 11:00 tomorrow.
When I went to have the sonogram on Monday they said that everything looked really good and I had about 3 really good follicles that would be perfect. I am a little worried that only one side produced any follicles but she said that was nothing to worry about.
Wilson gave me the trigger shot last night and I have felt fine all day. Hopefully that is a sign of good things to come.
Tonight I am going to meet with the girls from high school. We are going to Chuy’s for dinner. I am so excited. I have only been there once before and it was great. Wilson is having a bad day at work so I am going to get him some Tres Leche’s and bring it home to him. He doesn’t know where we are going so hopefully it will be a nice surprise.
When I went to have the sonogram on Monday they said that everything looked really good and I had about 3 really good follicles that would be perfect. I am a little worried that only one side produced any follicles but she said that was nothing to worry about.
Wilson gave me the trigger shot last night and I have felt fine all day. Hopefully that is a sign of good things to come.
Tonight I am going to meet with the girls from high school. We are going to Chuy’s for dinner. I am so excited. I have only been there once before and it was great. Wilson is having a bad day at work so I am going to get him some Tres Leche’s and bring it home to him. He doesn’t know where we are going so hopefully it will be a nice surprise.
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